Dumb Facts About Men

1. Why does a man have a clear conscience? Because it's never used.
2. Why are men so happy? Because ignorance is bliss.
3. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women? Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
4. If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time,who would reach the ground first? The woman, the man would get lost.
5. How are men like commercials? You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 60 seconds.
6. How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini.
7. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.
8. What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature.
9. What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
10. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind. 2. No business.
11. What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.
12. If men got pregnant .... Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
13. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
14. What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room.
15. How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.
16. How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."
17. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
18. What does a man consider to be quality time with his wife? Pulling the sheets over her head and saying, "Great chili, Babe!"
19. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.
20. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
21. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
22. Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
23. How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
24. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
25. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
26. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him.
27. Why do bachelors like smart women? Opposites attract.
28. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.
29. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
30. What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women.

You've got to love jokes. We have a few of our own that we would like to share and we're sure you do to. Why is this on here, because as men we can learn from these.

They're purely satirical but border on some truisms. Should you start listening when women speak you may begin to notice that regardless of age, ethnicity, height, income and so forth, women share one or more of these views about men.

What can you learn from these thirty grittt jokes. Go to the forum and share yours about women. Let's see if we can come up 30 good ones to throw back at them. Keep it humorous because everyone loves a good joke.

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Top Ten Most Overused Phrases In Personal Ads

1. I live life to the fullest! (Is this really the most profound philosophical statement you can come up with? Dig a little deeper, Nietzsche.)
2. Loves to laugh" or "Fun-loving" (Alright! A person who enjoys laughter and fun. What a rare individual; I must meet her at once. Just once I'd like to see "loves to sob uncontrollably for days on end.")
3. I'm ____ years old but I look MUCH younger! (Sure you do. And if I just did a couple more sit-ups, I could still make the Giants starting lineup. Is self-delusion great or what?)
4. I'm a down to earth... (If I see this phrase one more time, I'll... I'll... I don't know WHAT I'll do! I might be forced to actually turn off my computer and go interact with people in the REAL world. Okay, I probably wouldn't do anything THAT drastic. But you get the idea.)
5. I can go from jeans to a cocktail dress in 10 minutes! (You must be very proud. I can't believe they haven't made this an Olympic event yet.)
6. I'm a intelegent... (If you can't SPELL intelligent... do you see where I'm going with this? Class? Anyone?)
7. I'm a typical (insert astrological sign here). (Astrology? Yeah, it's a science. I think they use it at NASA. I don't even know where to begin here. If you're looking for some insight into the nature of my character, don't ask me what my sign is. Talk to the Easter Bunny, he has the real inside track on me.)
8. I don't have a pic, but trust me, you won't be disappointed! (Trust me, I will.)
9. Looking for THE ONE" or "Looking for my Soulmate" (Really? These are the most fresh and original lines you can come up with? Your mother and I had such high hopes for you. Oh well, there's always trade school.)

• *And the Number One Most Overused Phrase In A Personal Ad is...
• Don't worry, I plan to loose [sic] the weight real soon. (Okay, it's probably just me, but why am I still worried?)

Put them all together, and the end result usually looks something like this....

"Fun-loving, down-to-earth woman with 5 kids from 5 different fathers seeks a intelegint guy who loves to laugh. Must be in shape! I'm temporarily 50 pounds overweight, but don't worry, I plan to loose the weight right after I finish these fries! Must look like Brad Pitt and be no older than 35! I'm 49 but I look MUCH younger! I don't have a pic, but trust me, you won't be disappointed! I'm a Libra so I live life to the fullest! I get along best with Geminis who have six-figure incomes! Must have a big heart and a bigger house, cuz the landlord just kicked us out!"

(Well, as long you have realistic expectations.)

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Personal Ads Phraseology:

One of the greatest things about online dating is if you're observant you will be able to see through their mist of contradictions. This is why it doesn't matter what dating site you're on.

Now keep in mind Craigslist users who are creative tend to stand out from those who lack originality. This oesn't apply for women because they get to enjoy the luxury of throwing anything up and knowing just like clock work, one of you will respond. In short it's predictability. Now can we enjoy predictability, you betcha!

This is why we're sharing these with you? Knowing these can help you understand what a woman is really saying. Enjoy!

• She has bubbly personality! = Chances are she's FAT!
• Family Oriented = If she has kids be ready to pay for them, if she doesn't be prepared to have some with in 6 months!
• Looking for an Honest/Goodhearted Man = Usually a sucker who doesn't know any better aka a "Nice Guy!"
• Good Man = A doormat. Be prepared to be walked over!
• My kids are my life = ching ching your needs always come last and you gotsta pay!
• Plan to obtain my ..(degree/certificate etc) = chronically unemployed or doesn't mind jumping through hoops to get to the next level.
• People who make me laugh = I am dull, entertain me
• Professional Woman = Secretary
• Enjoys home remodeling = As long as you pay for it and do 75% of the work!
• Spicy woman = Whore, better wear a condom with this one!
• Easy going = passive aggressive, I'll bottle things up until I explode on you or slash your tires.
• Someone to laugh with = Attention whore
• Love is worth waiting for/worth the wait = I'll tease you but I ain't gonna fuck you!
• Long walks on the beach = Did I mention the Beach is in Hawaii?
• Thick and Thin = I got warrants, STD's, or tons of unnecessary drama but either way you need to be stupid enough to endure through it all!
• Experiencing other cultures = I'm a whore when I travel on the road or I will leave you for a black guy.
• I'm an upbeat and optimistic person = When I am on meds
• Guy who will treat me right = Be a good boy and do as I say
• Looking for a man w/ values = a man who won't hit me no matter how shitty I treat him, cheat on him, fuck up his life and bank account.

There are degrees of truth in all of these and they are humorous. Share your thoughts, Leave a comment!